Reluctant Love
“Are you really going to skip out again?”
She always asks me this. No matter whose party it is or what day of the week, Jessie insists on attending every campus party. I’m never surprised because she is the most popular party girl in school.
“I’m not a party person, Jess. I’ve told you that a hundred times.” By now, it probably has been that many times that I've told her parties are the worst places for someone like me.
I'm more of a stay-in-and-read-a-book or study kind of person. The only thing I haven't told her is the reason why. Well, I haven't told her the real reason anyway. Deflecting with half-truths like there are always too many people or that I need to study are my usual excuses.
“Yeah, yeah, I know. You never do anything fun; all you do is stay home and study.” Jessie finishes her mascara in the mirror. I swear you think she bought an entire makeup store with everything she has on that vanity. Even crazier than that is the fact that she uses all of it. Nothing goes to waste with her when it comes to beauty. Once she's finished and satisfied with her work, she stands and walks over to the full-length mirror leaning on the wall of our dorm.
She is everything a woman like me should hate. Her tall slender frame is perfectly accompanied by her model-like wavy blonde hair, glacial blue eyes, and perfect unmarred pale skin. I can't even get started on her boobs. That'll just make me depressed. What makes it impossible to hate is her is her personality. Jessie might be the nicest law student I've ever met, and her kindness is second only to her intellect. Ranked fourth in our class, she makes anyone around her rethink the term “dumb blonde”. “I'd understand if you are struggling with your classes, but your grades are stellar. You're in the top one percent of our class!”
I'm not sure how to respond to that since it's a good point. My grades really are perfect, but I need to think of something to get out of this. “I know but that final is coming up and I don't want to risk messing it up.”
Jesse turns and looks at me with a don't give me that shit look, and it makes me nervous. It's been months since we moved in together and I've been successful at fending off her efforts to get me out of this room and out amongst the living. But with the look she's giving me now, the unfaltering determination that's sure to make her an amazing lawyer, I think I might lose this one.
“No. That's it. I am putting my foot down.” She puts her freshly pedicured foot dawned in outrageously high heels down and points at it to drive her point. It probably would have made me laugh if it weren't for the scary look in her eyes. “You've been shut in here for months without any sort of human contact or fun. It is not healthy.”
I swear I can feel the color leach from my face. “I go to classes every day! That counts as human contact.” There’s no denying that it's a weak argument. It's hard to defend myself when I'm sitting on my full-sized bed in my sweats with my computer on my lap and textbooks and notebooks in a semicircle around me. I try to keep my face serious but it's not working on her.
“Mandated academic course time does not count. You have to be there and it's not fun.” She puts her hands on her hips, embodying confidence. “I'm calling in my favor, Aladia.”
Confusion rocks me. I have no idea what she's talking about. “What favor?” I ask. Working my brain, I try to think of when I’ve ever told her that I owed her a favor.
Jesse dawns a devious smile that turns my blood to ice. “My birthday two months ago.” Oh shit. “You were so busy studying for that test for Mr. Quinn's class that you missed my party. Not that I expected you to come, but you got me that gorgeous tennis bracelet that I love so much, so it was forgiven.”
Her arm comes up to admire that same bracelet that I was really looking forward to giving her. “Yes, but I don't see how that entitles you to a favor. I didn't forget your birthday.”
“True, you didn't forget. But you foolishly said that you owed me another gift for missing the party,” She replies with a grin. Now that she mentions it, I remember that conversation. I really did feel bad about missing her party, but at the same time, I was studying for that test. At the time, Mr. Quinn was looking for any reason to give me a hard time in class, so I didn't want to give him any excuse for failing me. If I had known that saying that would have led to this, I'd never would have even considered it.
My brain goes into overdrive thinking of any way to remedy this situation. “I said gift! Not an outing to a party, Jess!” Now I'm in fight or flight mode. I get out of the bed and walk up to her. Without those heels born from hell, I'm taller than her, but now, those extra couple of inches and this situation makes me feel like a toddler. “Not to mention that gift has probably reached the statute of limitations by now.” I cross my arms to try to look confident, but it's just to hold myself in this losing battle.
Jesse rolls her eyes, clearly not affected by my argument.” It was two months ago, Aladia. Not seven years.” She shakes her head, “You said gift. This is what I want. You're coming with me tonight, end of story.”
Panic has me wanting to run out of this room and into the hills. There's only one more thing I can say to get out of this. “There's no way I can get ready in time. Plus, I have nothing to wear. We wouldn't make the party, Jess.”
Even though I know this argument is useless, Jess is obviously not affected by the obvious time constraint. “You wanna bet?”
---
No one else could have managed it. Twenty minutes after my crushing defeat, Jessie has me in a loose-fitting, blue satin crop top that makes my modest boobs look like those of a Victoria's Secret model and a pair of skintight full leather leggings that leave little to the imagination. She finished the outfit with black strappy heels that may have worked for her but made my feet want to burst into tears. Luckily, she didn't go too crazy with the makeup. She actually did an amazing job. She did the bare minimum and accentuated my natural features. When I looked at myself in the mirror, I was speechless. I couldn't remember the last time I felt so beautiful.
Jessie's work was methodical and perfect. To my surprise, she didn't even try to cover up the scar on my eyebrow. The makeup draws attention to my green eyes and, as a result, to the only blemish on my skin. Thankfully, she's never asked me about it. Talking about my past is not a happy topic for me.
Ten minutes later, we were in the Uber she ordered and on the way to the party. At this point, I'm resigned to my fate. I know my phobia is irrational, but I have my reasons. Most people assume my reluctance to make friends or party is because I believe I’m better than everyone. But the truth is, a lot of them assume that I cheated my way to the top. After all, that's what my mother did.
Being a legacy of Harvard student hasn't helped me the way it's helped others. Both of my parents are Harvard alumni, but my mother worked her way to the top by sleeping with almost every one of her professors. I was halfway through my prelaw degree when I found out about her promiscuity. Ashamed and conflicted about how I should feel about my mother, I never confronted her about it. Regardless of my feelings, now, because of her, my professors either think I'm trash and shouldn't have a spot in this school or expect the same promiscuous behavior. This is why I work as hard as I do. Avoiding parties and any meaningful relationships keeps away any unwanted distractions that could lead down a path that would surely damage my already shaky reputation or a broken heart. It wouldn’t be the first time either has happened.
Jessie's voice snaps me out of my inner turmoil. “All right, we're here!”
---
It’s been 45 minutes, and I can say without a doubt… this is precisely how I thought this night was going to go.
Ever since we got here, the whispers and judgment have been apparent.
Even with the music's thumping bass and people dancing in the large living room, it sounds like muffled background noise. All I can hear are the whispers—the judgment.
“I can't believe she came,” one girl says.
“Look at Miss High and Mighty gracing us with her presence,” another girl says to her group of giggling friends.
“I bet I could get her home,” says a guide to his friends, who all look at me with lust-filled gazes.
This is why I avoid events like this. It always goes the same way. People whisper about me and make assumptions about who I am without actually getting to know me.
It's infuriating… and isolating.
So, I've been standing here in the corner, just keeping to myself.
When Jess came to check on me a few minutes ago, I simply told her that everything was fine and to go back to having fun. With a hug and a wink, she made her way back towards the kitchen, where her latest conquest waited.
Looking at how easy it is for her, I feel that urge to hate her. She makes it seem so easy. But in the end, I still love her because I know it's impossible for anyone not to love someone as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside.
Shaking myself out of my jealousy, I pull out my phone to check the time and see that it is almost eleven o’clock. This should more than cover the favor I owe her.
Having made up my mind I take one last sip from my drink and throw it away in the nearest trash can. My eyes roam the space and see if I can find Jess just so I can let her know that I'm leaving. I know that if I leave without telling her, she just might have an actual heart attack if she can't find me when she's ready to go, and I know I can't do that to her.
It only takes me a few minutes to find her, given that her flowing blonde hair shines like a flame even in the dimly lit room. It doesn't surprise me that I find her with a guy's tongue down her throat. Might I mention that this guy is different from the one she went back to after talking to me?
More than a little uncomfortable with breaking them up, I tap on her shoulder. She turns and looks at me with a smile. “Hey,” she says, seeming a little out of breath. “Are you okay?”
I interrupted what was clearly a great make-out session, and here she is, asking me if I'm okay. The thought makes me smile. “Yeah, I'm fine. I just wanted to let you know that I'm heading home.”
Her smile immediately drops from her face, and her disappointment replaces it. “What? We just got here. Aren't you having fun?” she asks.
I don't want to lie to her, but I also don’t want to stay, so I try to think of the easiest and most truthful way to get her to let me go. “Yeah, I am. I'm just really tired, and I have to be up early in the morning.”
My response doesn't seem to convince her, but she gives me a sad smile and hugs me. “Okay, I'm really glad you came.” I return her hug and smile at her right before I turn away and start walking towards the door.
I'm halfway through the living room when I see him. I realize I've never seen him before and wonder how he knows anyone here. My steps falter only for a second before I keep walking so I can just go home and curl up with a book. As intriguing as he looks, I’m sure he’d be just like everyone else.
Once I'm outside, I reach for my phone and open the app so I can get a ride home. When I'm about to put in my payment information, the most beautiful masculine voices I've ever heard.
“Leaving already?” The man says.
His voice alone makes me stop tapping on my phone, and butterflies erupt in my stomach. The feeling quickly washes away when I realize he's probably just another guy expecting something from me. With that thought in mind, I turn around and face this stranger.
And then, everything stops.
It's the guy from the party. But seeing him this close makes me feel like an insect. My head barely reaches his shoulders! His very broad shoulders. And that's astonishing because I am pretty tall for a woman. And the jaw-dropping surprises don't stop there. His sharp, angular chin and sharp cheekbones accentuate his piercing green eyes like nothing I've ever seen. Even his hair is perfect. It's black as night and has the softest of waves, which are in sharp contrast to his pale skin.
I'm so consumed by the beauty of his face that I don't even realize how long I've been staring at him. That is until he smirks. Then all I see are stars. I thought he was beautiful before, but now, with that mischievous smirk, all I can think about is what it would look like to see him smile.
Wait a second. Why am I ogling this guy? He’s a complete stranger.
“Are you ok? You look a little pale,” he says.
I shake my head a bit to try and clear my ridiculous ogling thoughts and then realize what he just said. “Yes, I'm fine,” I say a little quicker than I should. “I'm just tired, so I'm going home.”
He laughs like he can't believe what I'm saying. “It's a little early, don't you think? The party practically just started.”
“That may be true, but parties really aren't my thing,” I say.
He looks at me like I'm the most intriguing thing he's ever seen. It makes me wonder why he hasn't made a move. Most of the time, when guys approach me, they cut straight to the chase and try to get me to bed. Instead, he's just looking at me.
He must be short-circuiting my brain because the best thing I can think of to say is, “Do I know you?”
This beautiful stranger laughs. “No. I'm new to the school; I just got it in yesterday,” he says.
He’s new? Does he really not know who I am? My thoughts start to go so fast at all the possibilities of this situation. The last one strikes my heart. Am I really this desperate? I know I'm lonely, but can it be so bad that I look at a stranger who doesn't know who I am and think he could be the answer?
“Oh, well then, welcome to Harvard,” I say.
He takes a step towards me, charging the atmosphere around us with tension. Of course, that could just be my brain imagining things. “Thank you,” he says. “Do you need a ride home? I drove here, and I don’t want you going home by yourself.”
Umm… What? The nerve of this guy! I’m perfectly capable of finding my own way home without some big, strong, gorgeous…intense… Damn it! What is up with this guy.? How can anyone be this alluring?
“I’m fine. I can get home just fine on my own,” I say with a clipped tone. “Besides, I don’t even know who you are.” He may be stunning, but that doesn’t mean I need to be stupid. He could be lying. “For all I know, you could be a serial killer.” I stand to my full height and tip up my chin. Which is almost laughable because it does nothing to decrease his dominating presence.
With a nod, he takes another step, making me imagine tiny sparks. My brain needs to get its shit together. Taking a hand out of his pocket, he reaches for me.
“Derek Jameson. I’m twenty-six and just transferred here to finish my last year of school,” he says. Is he really doing this? “I only came tonight because my roommate said it would be fun. Thankfully, it was beyond boring.”
My chest tightens with his attempt to make me feel more comfortable. “Boring?”
Derek smiles, and all the breath leaves my lungs. His smirk may be incredibly sexy, but his smile is devastating. “Yes, because if I had been having fun, I wouldn’t be talking to the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
Heat flushes my cheeks, and I need to look away but can’t. He sure can charm a girl, that’s for sure. Even now, there are so many butterflies swirling around that they’re in my brain, and I don’t know what to say.
With a deep breath, I take his hand. “Aladia Johnson. Nice to meet you,” I say, trying not to sound like a fish out of water with my breathing.
“Aladia,” Derek says my name like he’s testing it to see how it feels coming out of his lips. The soft smile he gives me tells me he likes it. But I guarantee I like it much more than him. “Come on, I’ll take you home.” There's no room for argument in his voice, but it’s also not forceful. With the barest hint of reluctance, I let him. For some reason, I feel like I can trust this man. Perhaps even with my heart.
This guy is trouble..in the best way.
On the drive back to my dorms, he struck up a simple and comfortable conversation. He listened to everything I had to say and told me about his life. I listened with so much attention that I didn’t even notice we were already at my building. Talking with him is so easy that it makes me want to melt into this seat and tell him everything. But it’s late, and I don’t want him to get the wrong idea.
“I should go inside,” I say reluctantly. It’s not that I want him to come up because that would be ridiculous. I just don’t want this to end. I wish I could stop time and stay in this car and learn everything about this man. “Thank you for driving me home.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Aladia,” he says. I can’t help but smile at his presumptiveness. But there’s no denying that I want nothing more than to see him again.
“That’s presumptuous,” I say with a mischievous smirk. “What makes you think that I’ll see you again? This may be the last time we see each other.” It’s a lie. I know it, and he knows it. We’ve started something that will change us both. And as much as it terrifies me, I hope it does.
Derek looks at me and lets out a laugh, “Baby, this is just the beginning.”
My world stops. Not knowing how to respond, I decide to get out of his car before I do something stupid like staying and seeing where the night takes us. With the best feeling of floating, I tell him goodnight and get out of the car.
I get up to my room and change into my pajamas. Once I lay in bed, all I can think about is Derek. The first man in what feels like forever that wanted to just talk to me. To get to know me. For the first time in years. Laying on my side, staring out my window, I decide that I’m not going to fight this. I’m going to go for it because he makes me feel what no one else ever has.
For the first time in my life, I’m excited about the future. And I’m going to embrace the changes that come my way.
